i'm turning 34 this year. at the very end of 2013, i had our second son, and at the very beginning of 2014, our first son turned 2. i've been married a little over 2 years.
i'm still going through an identity crisis from it all. i went from being totally carefree, and pretty lazy, and pretty financially well-off to 1000% committed and financially....ok. not bad at all, but i still get pretty pissed. we don't use a babysitter at all, and we've never used daycare. i'm with the boys pretty much all day every day, and really, it's the most exhausting job i've ever had. and i really, really love the little guys.
but what i've learned, is that all of life is a sacrifice. every inch and ounce of it. if you drive, you're burning gas and polluting the environment. if you decide to game it, that's time away doing something else that may be more in efforts towards something that's more financially lucrative. unless you're a pro-gamer, which i'm thoroughly not.
if you put all of your time into your work, you sacrifice your relationships with people and your relationship with the earth. if you have kids, you sacrifice your life. it's worth it, but you have to sometimes concentrate on the fact that it's worth it. what i mean, is when you're at home taking care of kids, you're not looking or feeling very sexy. my hair is literally waist-length. you think i'm wearing it down taking care of these little guys? you think i'm wearing any jewelry? lol, hell no.
am i very fashionable at home, no. i'm cooking and cleaning all day. literally. i'm up 2-4 times just between 12am and 7am. and usually, i'm up at 5am bc of one, and by sunrise the other is up. my nails are horrible, and my skin is destroyed, temporarily by eczema all over both of my hands.
this is all a very far cry from kicking it with my friends, spending hours at a coffee shop, or doing anything like those things...
i'm fat, and full of stretch-marks. that's the trade-off from being preggo 2 times within three years. i still feel the crazy area in my spine from where the epidural was given. i'm still traumatized from the actual day i gave birth. it'll wear off though, it did with mikey after about a year.
what i'm saying is, be prepared to give some things up when you want other things to happen. i gave up pizza, chocolate, chips, eating late at night, almond lattes and a ton of other stuff....because, i'm trading my fatness in. and i'm seeing that i haven't sacrificed enough. i get it. i miss my partying lifestyle, but.....mikey and little billy-bean sure are cute. lol. how can i expect the world to be any other way, if it's the foundation of our history? God sacrificed Jesus for us. and i can see it reflected in everything i watch and see. sometimes i have to bite my tongue though. but i do get it.
